Whether it's at a party or on a plane, when people find out that I know something about shyness, invariably, the first question they ask me is "Are we born shy?" The answer to that question is absolutely not! There is no way that we can be born shy.

The Role of Self: A Necessary Component

The principal reason you cannot be born shy is that shyness is characterized by three major features: excessive self-consciousness, excessive negative self-evaluation, and excessive negative self-preoccupation. All three characteristic features of shyness involve a sense of self. And the sense of self does not develop until approximately 18 months of age. Since individuals are not born with a sense of self, they cannot be born shy.

When making such a statement, the next question people typically ask me is, "How do we know that individuals are not born with a sense of self?" Such a question is not only of interest to shyness researchers, but has also attracted the attention of some of the world's greatest thinkers, including Charles Darwin. In the late 1870s, Darwin proposed that the origin of the self begins when a child is able to recognize himself or herself in the mirror. Research indicates that the initial signs of a sense of self first seem to appear at about six months of age, emerging gradually and becoming more refined over a period of about a year or so (Damon & Hart, 1982; 1988; Lewis Sullivan, Stranger & Weiss, 1989). More specifically, when placed in front of a mirror, children at around six months of age will reach out and try to touch their image as if it were another child.

At this point people ask something like, "How do we actually know that the child really recognizes itself in the mirror and is not just reaching out to touch someone else who is willing to do exactly as he or she does?" To answer this question, researchers dabbed some red rouge on the noses of children and then placed them in front of a mirror. At around 15 to 18 months of age, the children would touch their own nose, not the image of it in the mirror, when seeing the rouge on it (Gallup & Suarez, 1986). Thus, it seems that by 15 to 18 months of age, children have some sense of what their faces should look like and are curious about any variations of it.

The Role of Inhibited Temperament: All Shook Up!

While there is no evidence that we are born shy, there is evidence that approximately 15 to 20 percent of infants are born with what Dr. Jerome Kagan of Harvard University (Kagan, 1994) and his colleagues (Kagan, Reznick, & Snidman, 1988) refer to as an inhibited temperament. "Temperament" refers to certain biological characteristics that people are born with that serve to influence their behavior very early in life, such as during the first few months. Inhibited temperament is characterized by excessive physiological and behavioral reactions to environmental stimulation. For example, infants born with an inhibited temperament will kick their legs and feet more, display a higher heart rate, and cry longer and louder when exposed to an unpleasant noise, such a balloon popping, than infants not born with an inhibited temperament. For example, inhibited children at two years of age might be more likely to hide behind their parent's legs when a stranger enters their play area and engage in more isolated play at seven years of age than uninhibited children. Thus, what can start happening is that such inhibited behavior begins to be labeled as "shyness" by parents, teachers, and acquaintances.

Biology Is Not Destiny

The expression of such an inhibited temperament early in life does not guarantee that such individuals will grow up to be shy adults. Even if it did, all it would mean is that such individuals would have to make decisions about how and where to socialize that would take into consideration their temperament (e.g., go to a poetry reading instead of a loud bar). The notion that people are born shy is simply a belief about shyness, not a fact, about shyness. There are many things shy individuals can do to control their shyness instead of letting their shyness control them--biology is not destiny. In future entries on this blog, I will discuss what shy individuals can do to take control of their shyness and be "successfully shy." But more on that later.

無論在聚會時或飛機上，每當有人發(fā)現(xiàn)我知道點兒關(guān)于羞怯的事情時，他們都無一例外的問我“我們天生害羞嗎？”絕對不是！我們完全不可能生來害羞。

自我 ：不可或缺

過度的自我意識、過分的消極自我評價以及嚴重的負面自我審視，共同構(gòu)成了羞怯感的重要特征，這也是我們不可能天生害羞的主要原因。羞怯感的三個典型特征都涉及自我意識，而自我意識得到出生后大約18個月才會形成。如此看來，個體沒有天生的自我意識，那么也不可能生來害羞了。

等我說完這些以后，他們肯定還會問“我們怎么知道個體出生的時候沒有個體意識？”對于這個問題，不僅研究羞怯感的人感興趣，那些世界上最偉大的思想家也為之著迷，比如查爾斯達爾文。19世紀70年代末，達爾文提出，自我意識起源于孩子從鏡中認識到自己的時刻。研究表明，嬰兒在6個月左右首次出現(xiàn)自我意識的征兆，并在之后大約一年的時期中逐漸顯露，越發(fā)明顯(Damon & Hart, 1982; 1988; Lewis Sullivan, Stranger & Weiss, 1989)。更特別的是，若把6個月大的孩子放在鏡子面前，他會伸手觸摸自己的影象，好像那是別人家的小孩兒一樣。

于此，人們會提出這樣的疑問，“誰知道嬰兒是不是真的從鏡中認出了自己，會不會只是伸手去摸那個和他做一樣動作的人呢？”為了解答這個問題，研究者給孩子們的鼻子抹上了紅色的胭脂，再把他們放到鏡前。這些孩子差不多15到18個月大，當看到鼻子上的胭脂時，他們會摸摸自己的鼻子，而不去碰鏡里的影象（ Gallup & Suarez, 1986）。如此看來，15至18個月大的孩子已經(jīng)知道自己的臉長什么樣，并且對臉上的變化感到好奇。

拘束氣質(zhì)：全搞混了！

雖然沒有證據(jù)顯示我們天生害羞，但有證據(jù)表明，百分之15到20的嬰兒天生具有拘束氣質(zhì)，哈佛大學的杰羅姆卡根博士(Kagan, 1994)和他的同事(Kagan, Reznick, & Snidman, 1988)提出了這個概念。氣質(zhì)，是指人類出生時就有的生物學特性，這些特性將會影響生命早期（幾個月）的行為。拘束氣質(zhì)的特征，即是在環(huán)境刺激下過激的生理、心理反應。舉個例子，相比普通孩子，具有拘束氣質(zhì)的嬰兒更喜歡蹬動腿腳，心跳較高，被噪聲（比如氣球爆炸）刺激時哭得更可怕。再舉個例子，拘束的小孩長到兩歲時，更可能在陌生人來到時藏在父母的腿后面，等到七歲左右，他們只跟自己玩。接下來，他們的父母、老師和其他相識，就開始把這種拘束行為稱作 “害羞”了。

天生的，不是一輩子的

個體幼年具有拘束氣質(zhì)，并不等同于長大后一定是個害羞的成年人。即使真的發(fā)生了，也只意味著個體在選擇交際活動時需要顧及自己的氣質(zhì)（比如去詩歌朗誦會，別去酒吧）。說人們生來害羞，這話只是臆想的信念而非事實。害羞的人可以做很多嘗試去控制羞怯感，而不要被它控制——這只天生的，并不是一輩子。