生活中最美好的事情往往都是免費的,其中之一就是和你的愛人相擁而睡。但是兩個人緊挨著入睡,要睡得安穩可不容易。因為手臂經常會被對方壓住,所以相擁而睡總得輾轉反側。情況樂觀就只是限制手臂活動,最糟糕的情況是阻礙了手臂血液流通,以至于手臂失去知覺。當恢復知覺的時候,你會覺得還不如不恢復,因為你會突然感受到如密密麻麻的針刺般的痛,我們將給男人們想出辦法,讓你們睡個好覺。
Step 1: The Classic Spoon
第一招:經典勺式睡姿
Falling asleep in the 'spoons' position is likely to result in a trapped arm for 'Mr. Spoon'- (i.e., the one doing the cuddling), as he will have less space to position the lower arm comfortably. It is his arm that will go dead, while his partner drifts off into a beautifully secure and comfortable reverie. The only merit of this position is that 'Ms. Spoon' is likely to fall asleep quickly, giving you the chance to take evasive action.
以經典勺子姿勢入睡,男勺子的手臂是很容易被女勺子壓住的。當發現手臂已經發麻,他的愛人早已進入甜美的夢想,這個姿勢的好處是,勺子小姐會很快睡著。你就可以趁機小無聊小猥瑣一下。
To remove your arm without waking her, hold her close and gently roll her away from you, moving with her rather than pushing her away. Once she is re-positioned comfortably, roll yourself back to your original position and you should find you have the freedom to remove your arm easily.
怎樣不弄醒她卻把你的手臂挪出來,抱緊她,溫柔地將她轉個身,跟她一起轉而不是硬推。等她換了姿勢安穩地睡著之后,你可以自由地活動你的手臂然后回到你原來的姿勢睡覺了。
Step 2: The Shoulder Roll
第二招:肩膀扭曲式
If the Classic Spoon isn't working, turn your body towards your partner and rest your upper arm round your partner's waist and your lower arm behind you. Your arm position means you are leaning on your partner for support.
如果經典勺式不管用,將身體轉向你的愛人,將你上方的手臂輕輕環抱住她的腰,貼著床的手臂放在身后,這樣就可以靠她的身體來支撐自己。
One potential issue is that if you are much larger than her, you might crush her, but at least you'll sleep well.
潛在的問題是,如果你體型比她大了好幾號,她會被你壓扁的,不過至少你睡的很香。
Step 3: The Superman
第三招:超人式
If the Shoulder Roll isn't comfortable, try a technique that takes a little forethought and planning. You need to position the pillows lower down the bed than usual. Now assume The Classic Spoon position, but move the problematic lower arm above you, under the pillow and out the other side so it is stretched over your head. You are now in the Superman flying position.
如果肩膀扭曲式不舒服,試試這種方式,不過要提前做一些小小的準備。你需要將枕頭放下來一些;舅吮3纸浀渖资,只不過把那個煩人的手臂往上伸,從枕頭下方伸到頭頂上方。這樣,你就采用了超人式睡姿。
This has advantages- if you can't sleep you can pretend to be Superman. Or if this doesn't appeal, you can use the outstretched arm for texting, playing computer games or reading French poetry… all while she is sleeping.
這種睡姿還有很多好處,譬如說你如果睡不著可以假裝超人,如果這個不好玩,你還可以用那只手發個手機短信,玩玩電子游戲或者讀幾頁法國詩,而你的愛人睡的正香。
Step 4: The star gazer
第四招:四腳朝天睡
Legend tells of a really comfortable fleshy bit to the side of a man's chest. How fleshy and how comfortable depends on the size of the man.
傳說男人胸前有一小塊柔軟的區域,當然能有多柔軟多舒適,這樣看男人的塊頭。
So take advantage of this by forgetting the spoons positions above, and lie on your back. Now encourage her to find your fleshy bit with her head, and use it as a pillow. Intimacy? Check! Comfort? Check! This position could be a winner.
所以,忘掉勺子式試試這個吧。先仰面躺下,然后讓你的愛人用臉尋找你胸前那塊柔軟的區域然后當枕頭。親密?舒服?這個姿勢可是最棒的。
Please note that to increase the size of your fleshy bit, you may need to eat a lot of junk food and cut down on exercise. All for her sake, what a perfect boyfriend you are.
不過請銘記,為了保持你那塊肉感區域的柔軟,你需要多吃些垃圾食品少做些運動。這全部是為了她著想,這么好的男朋友哪里去找。
Step 5: The pragmatic approach
第五招:一勞永逸式
If all else fails, initiate a massive argument before you go to sleep, so your partner won't want to be anywhere near you. Have some flowers and croissants ready to make up in the morning, and prepare for 8 hours of dreamless, pain-free shut-eye… on the sofa.
如果以上所有方式都失敗了,那就在睡覺之前挑起爭吵,這樣你的愛人就會不讓你和她一起睡。準備好明早的鮮花和羊角面包,你就可以準備8小時深度睡眠了,不過,是在沙發上。