當我們年輕時，都想擁有完美的愛情。每個人都面帶笑容，一切都進展順利。你的另一半知道說什么做什么會令你開心或者不開心。那些曾經經歷過熱戀的人們更是深有體會。但是夫妻卻可能因為任何事都吵起來，問題的關鍵在于吵架其實也可以增進夫妻感情。讓我們來看看：

1. You air your dirty laundry

晾出你自己的問題

An argument may start over anything. You two may not know what to do for dinner. One of you may have taken that turn a little fast and loose while out driving. Problems in a relationship are like dynamite and little things like not deciding on a place to eat are nothing more than a fuse. Eventually, these little things will open up the table to what is really going wrong. Once you can identify what’s really going on, it’s just a matter of figuring out how to fix it.

爭吵可以因任何小事而起：你倆不知道晚餐吃什么；開車外出時其中一人轉彎轉的有點早。夫妻間的任何問題都像是一顆炸彈，而那些小事，諸如決定去哪兒吃飯等，就是導火線。最終，這些小事會引發真正的大事。一旦你發現苗頭不對，就要趕緊著手修補。

2. You will be more comfortable around one another

在彼此身邊時你會覺得更自在
The classic sign that a couple is comfortable with each other is when the “embarrassing” bodily functions fly even when the other person is in the room. Believe it or not, fighting can actually do the same thing. Couples who fight are not only working out their issues but also showing each other how they deal with problems. It forces you to talk about yourselves and what you think. By the end of it you’ll know the other person way better than you did before and vice versa because both of you will be expressing yourselves, often for the first time.

夫妻間能以最自在的方式同彼此相處，最典型的標志就是當其中一方身體忽然發出某種聲響，依然很自得。不管你信不信，爭吵也可以起到這種效果。夫妻吵架不僅僅在解決他們的問題，也是在向對方展示自己是如何處理問題的。它會迫使你審視自己，到最后，你可能會發現對方的方式可能更好，反之亦然，因為雙方都是在第一次表達自己內心的真實想法。

3. You will have confirmation that both of you want the relationship to work

確信雙方都想讓關系變得更好

People will fight for things they believe in. It doesn’t matter if they’re joining the military to fight for their country or shouting at you across the kitchen table to fight for your relationship. A lot of people think that anger means discontent but it actually means that you care so much that when something goes wrong, you get upset about it. Fighting with your partner shows them that you’re upset and that you want to fix things to make them better. If you don’t want to fight or if your partner doesn’t want to fight to make a relationship right, then there might be a problem.

人們會為自己堅信的東西而奮斗。無論是加入軍隊為國家浴血奮戰或是夫妻雙方站在桌子對面為自己的婚姻生活而吵，這些都不重要。許多人都認為，憤怒意味著不滿，但其實這表示你很在乎，出現問題時，你會感到不安。跟對方爭吵表明你很不安，你想解決問題，讓事情變得更好。如果你不想吵架，或對方不想為了改善關系跟你爭吵，那才是真的有問題了。

4. You and your partner will restore your sanity

你和你的愛人會恢復理智

Anger means that you care. Unfortunately, being angry can also drive you insane if you don’t express it. Bottling up those kinds of emotions can be dangerous. It can cause you to have irrational thoughts and eventually you start thinking things that aren’t true. Letting out that anger can help reset your insanity button and get those negative thoughts out of your head. Not fighting and letting those feelings get bottled up is never good. Ever.

生氣說明在乎。但不幸的是，你如果生悶氣，會被憋瘋的。這些不良情緒悶在心里是一件非常危險的事。有可能使你有了產生某些荒謬的想法，最終你開始考慮不著邊際的事情。將憤怒釋放出來可以讓你避免精神錯亂，將那些消極的想法清空。不爭吵，任由不良情緒發酵是絕對絕對不行的。

5. You will get an honest answer for once

你會立馬聽到最誠實的回答

Emotions flying around like witches on broomsticks often means that the truth is also flying around. Have you ever noticed that people in fights make statements they wouldn’t otherwise make. “I never liked it when you did this.” Couples in an argument often air their dirty laundry but more importantly they’re doing it honestly. Those small things you keep bottled up and lie about (“Sure, honey, I don’t mind watching Sex in the City…again”) can be set free because angry people no longer care about the consequences. As long as you’re not hiding anything ridiculous like cheating or something irreparable, chances are that your little issues are fixable.

壞情緒四處蔓延，像女巫騎著掃把飛來飛去，通常這也意味著真心話就在嘴邊。不知你是否曾注意，爭吵時，夫妻間會說出平時絕不會說的話。比如，“我根本就不喜歡你這么做”等等。夫妻爭吵時通常會把問題都晾出來，但更重要的事，雙方此刻都是誠實的。那些曾經讓你欲言又止的小事（當然，親愛的，我一點都不介意再看一遍。。《欲望都市》），諸如此類，生氣時會說出真實的想法，因為在氣頭上，根本估計不到后果。只要你隱瞞的不是出軌或其他無法彌補的錯誤，你們之間的小問題就可以解決。

6. You get to have sex

做做“運動”

As long as your relationship survives the fight (and chances are that it will) you get to have make up sex. By the time the argument is over everyone is stressed out. Things are a little tense. There are few better ways our species has access to than a good rumble between the sheets to get some of that tension out. We’re not saying you should pick a fight but plenty of people who are in relationships go through a dry spell that ends after a fight.

只要你們的感情能承受住爭吵（很大程度上沒問題）就需要一些性愛來彌補一下。爭吵結束了，問題解決了，兩個人都會感覺有點精疲力盡。關系稍微有些緊張，此時很少有比來一場床上運動更好的方法了，這樣可以讓你們緊張的關系緩和下來。我們并不提倡爭執，但是很多夫妻爭吵后確實會有一段尷尬和緊張期。

7. You get a reminder of what you’re doing wrong

有一個人會時刻提醒你什么做錯了

Relationships take work. Sometimes you have to stop doing something or start doing something to keep your partner happy. Not doing those things can result in a fight. During that fight you will be reminded (many times) of what you’re doing wrong. This can seem tedious and awful but sometimes we need a push in the right direction because we don’t always know what the other person wants. A good fight can put those needs into focus.

夫妻關系很有作用，有時，你需要做某些事或不做某些事讓你的另一半開心。如果不這樣，可能會引發爭吵。在爭吵中，對方通常會說出你哪里做得不對。這樣看起來或許很沉悶甚至可怕，但是我們確實需要有正確的推動力，因為并不是每個人都知道他人是怎么想的。一次“成功的”吵架可以將這些問題提出來并解決。

8. You can understand yourself better

能更好地了解自己

I can’t even remember how many epiphanies I’ve had during fights anymore. It doesn’t always happen but sometimes you are just wrong. It happens to all of us and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The problem is that you don’t know that you’re wrong until someone points it out. In today’s society, telling someone they’re wrong is fighting words. The important part is admitting that you’re wrong after you get caught being wrong. Otherwise this entire point is worthless.

我自己都記不清楚在爭吵中我有過多少次頓悟了。當然這種事不經常發生，但有時你確實是錯了。每個人可能都經歷過，這也沒什么好害羞的。問題在于，有時候別人不指出來，你根本不知道自己錯在哪里。當今社會，告訴人們他們錯了是一種很不友好的事。更重要的是，當被指出錯誤時，你應該意識到自己確實是錯了。否則一切都是無意義的。

Of course, we are coming at this from a specific point of view. Arguing and fighting is healthy but only if it’s done in a specific way. If your partner is hitting you, abusing you, bullying you, or otherwise hurting you or making you feel unsafe, you should do something about that immediately. There is no fixing that kind of behavior. Otherwise, keep these tips in mind the next time your partner blows up at you (or vice versa) and prepare to work on your relationship the old fashioned way.

當然，我們是以一種獨特的視角看待這個問題。爭吵和爭執是有利的也僅限于以某種特定的方式進行。當你另一半打擊你、羞辱你、欺負你、傷害你或者令你覺得毫無安全感，你應該立即采取些措施。上述行為對婚姻關系并無益處。另外，將這些小訣竅記在腦子里，下次和你的另一半發生爭吵時用得上。并記得用老辦法修復你們的關系。